Our First Glimpse

Like I expected at 6 weeks I started getting nauseous and throwing up. I was lucky enough to be able to see a doctor right away and get started on nausea medicine. However it didn't seem to do much and due to that and lots of back pain the doctor sent me to get an ultra sound at about 7 weeks.  I had to go right after work so Kevin was not able to join, but it was so fun to bring him home this picture of the little one.

The picture also came in handy when we headed down to Grants Pass for the long weekend due to MLK Jr. Day. We wrapped up this picture and gave it to Pat and Stacey as a late Christmas present since we weren't able to make it to Grants Pass for Christmas. We also told Jeff and Shelby because I was so sick we figured we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for too long. Which was true since the morning sickness became increasingly bad that weekend and I spent most the weekend in bed or in the bathroom. 

The Best Christmas Present

Let's start with a little honesty here, this blog has been severely neglected for the past 6 months. Partly due to a crazy life, but mostly due to my fear of writing this post. Every time I have logged in to my blog to update it, I am reminded that I have to write this post and it scares me to death. Which then leads me to logging out and not updating the blog. So ready or not here it goes.

First of all I have to start out with saying that I am blessed.  Since it becomes so easy to focus on the struggles in life, I often forget how blessed I am. Therefore I have to continually remind myself that I have so much to be grateful for in this life. With this in mind I am however going to bring up a very personal matter. I am really really good at keeping personal struggles very personal, so bringing up a personal matter for me is very scary. In reality I think I would rather go skydiving than bring up personal struggles in public. However, I keep this blog so that I can turn it into a book so that I can go back and look at the past years. Kind of like a journal (the lazy man kind). And since this was and is a huge part of our lives, it would be crazy to leave it out.

In January 2012 Kevin and I decided we were ready to start our family. Being diabetic there were a few extra hoops I had to jump through to make sure it was okay to start trying. So we talked to the Obgyn and the Endocrinologist, and with both their approval we decided we were ready. We had been married almost two years, I was currently working at Madison Jr. High, and Kevin was preparing for dental school and the timing just felt right.

 By June we were not pregnant and I was starting to get a little frustrated, but was reassured by the doctors that it can easily take 6 months plus to get pregnant. At this point we moved to Portland and Kevin started dental school. I talked to a Obgyn doctor here in Portland and brought up the point that I rarely had a menstrual cycle and because of this the doctor said they were willing to start me on medication earlier then a year. So I started on a variety of medications and was reassured by the doctor that it usually takes 3-6 months on the medications. After 6 months they usually stop the medication since it obviously didn't work. So fast forward 6 months and there was still nothing. At this point the doctor stopped all the medications which was really frustrating and started having us do other testing. We passed the tests with flying colors. So they told us that we had unexplained infertility and our next options were really expensive. 

Since we are being honest on here I will admit that this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Not only do the medications take a toll physically on your body (Hot flashes anyone?) but the emotional toll this process plays on you is even worse. Needless to say there were many many many nights of tears (Thanks Kevin for holding me for hours at a time while I cried) and lots and lots of prayers. This was a very trying time for both of us, but as I look back I am amazed at how much our relationship grew not only with each other but with our Heavenly Father as well. A little after a year of trying we finally opened up to our families about our struggles. And although we were very grateful for their love and support we still had a really hard time opening up to anyone else. So if I lied to you about when we were going to have kids that is why. Because honestly it felt like we were failing, and it is not easy to admit to the world that you are failing at something. As I look back now I know and understand that in no way were we failing. But when your body is not able to do what everyone else's body is able to do, you become very self consious. So we continued to lie to everyone and say that we were just taking our time and wanted to get through more of dental school before we started our family. 

Even now it is hard to find the words to express how hard the whole situation was. It is hard to explain how you can give up hope on something and yet at the same time only live off of the little hope you are still holding onto. Its hard to explain how you can be so happy for someone you love who just announced they are pregnant yet be so hurt by the news. Every pregnant lady or new baby you see is a constant reminder that pierces at your heart. Those that did know were very kind and comforting and offered us lots of love and support. Their kind words were always welcomed but never seemed to really curb any of the hurt. The only words that brought some kind of comfort to us was a scripture that we picked as our family scripture for the year. (At new years every year we pick a family scripture for the year that we print off and post in our room). This scripture had stood out to both Kevin and I and became our go to comfort during the year. It is found in D&C 98 1-2

  1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;

 2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

This scripture was a reminder to us that the Lord new of our concerns, had heard our plea over the past two years for children and that we would grant us the blessing of children whether it was through adoption or on our own.  We just needed to be patient and rely on the Lords time line and not our own.  

And although this scripture brought us lots of comfort there were still many days when the pain seemed unbearable and "waiting patiently" seemed near impossible. 

So come September I received a job teaching and had to choose an insurance plan. I started looking at the different plans that were offered to us and noticed that Kaiser Permanente said they covered 50% of infertility treatments. So after lots of research and telephone calls we decided that this insurance was probably going to be our best option since one of our main medical expenses was infertility medications and treatments. The doctors at Kaiser immediately started me on the same medication again with a few changes to the amount and form of medicines and started getting me information on other options. One of the options that they would pay 50% was an IUI. You can click on the link to get even more information. But in a simplified version Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a procedure that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization.  The average success rate for IUI ranges from 10-20% in one cycle.  

Even though the success rate was not super high we decided we wanted to try a couple cycles of this before we jumped into in-vitro which was much more expensive. So once again I started on medication and started monitoring ovulation very carefully. After a few frustrating months of the medications not working correctly I finally got the green light that I was ovulating and we could go through with the IUI. So Kevin managed to sneak out of school during finals week and join me at the doctors for an afternoon. They performed the IUI and told me to take a pregnant test on December 24 if I had not started my period and sent me on my way. 

So fast forward two weeks to December 24th. We were in Idaho and I was cramping really bad. I told Kevin not to get his hopes up since I figured my menstrual cycle was going to start. But it didn't. Then it was Christmas day and although Kevin kept encouraging me to take a test, I could not bare to face another negative test especially on Christmas day. I told him I was not ruining Christmas for us and was going to wait and see. Well the 26th came along and as I laid in bed bright and early unable to sleep I decided I needed to face the test. So I snuck out of bed and went to take the test. When the positive line appeared almost immediately, I almost did not believe it. I sat there crying/hyperventilating not really sure what to do. All of a sudden all the pain all the tears all the medication all the time waiting was worth it.  After I pulled myself together I quickly ran into our room and tossed the test to Kevin who was asleep. He sat up and noticed it was a pregnancy test that had just hit him in the head. He however didn't even look at it. All he said was "I already know what it says from the look on your face". It was a very special moment to share with him especially because the tears were finally tears of happiness instead of sadness. 

 We told my mom later that day (I couldn't hold it back). I was still having cramps and was not feeling great so we decided to go to the doctors just to see what was going on. Turns out I also had a UTI. At the doctors they did a pregnancy test to confirm my pregnancy. It was positive as well. After this confirmation we finally had the chance to tell my dad (We had to find a time he wasn't surrounded by grandchildren or at work).  

I wish I had the answer or even great words of comfort to all those who are suffering with infertility.  Going through all of this was hard, the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. And because of this I am not sure any human is able to truly offer the comfort that those families need. However there is comfort.  That comfort can only be found in prayers and scriptures and trusting the lord and his plan (which is much easier said then done). He had a plan for us, a plan that took time and patience and tears, and growth both spiritually, emotionally, and within our relationship.  Even though we may not understand why we needed this time, He knew we needed this time and I trust that He knows best. 

A White Christmas

I know students always think that no one could possibly be as excited as they are about Christmas break, however I am not sure they fully understand how excited their teachers are for break. Needless to say when Christmas break rolled around I was thrilled to escape and Kevin was thrilled to have a break from studying. So as soon as we got out of school, we headed to Idaho to enjoy a white Christmas.

It was a pretty relaxed Christmas. Lots of lounging around, watching movies, eating yummy food, taking naps, and staying up late playing games. It also of course included some good ole' puzzle time. We completed two puzzles while we were there.

For Christmas we brought all my nieces and nephews donuts from VooDoo. Don't worry they were kid friendly. The kids were amazed by the fruit loops and bubble gum and coco puffs that covered all the donuts. Needless to say they enjoyed them and I enjoyed watching little Livia's eyes light up when we opened the box. She was amazed. 

We also spent one day out enjoying the snow. Lets just say when you put a sled and four wheeler together it equals pure happiness.

Since Devin and Charm were staying at my parents house too Christmas day was actually pretty exciting with all the kids.  Kevin and I had done our Christmas early so we didn't have to bring them with us, but watching the kids open their presents is always the most exciting part. It then turned into a day of games, and relaxing (seemed to be a trend).

On the 28th we celebrated Loryn's birthday and went to the movie Frozen. Well actually Kevin and I went to the temple and then he dropped me off and let me celebrate with the family, since he didn't really care to go to see it (Surprisingly he still hasn't seen it).

While in Idaho there were a few nights my parents let Kevin and I be their dates and they took us to a couple movies at the theatre. We saw the Saratov Approach, as well as the Book Thief. Both were great movies.

In the end we were sad to leave and head back to the real world but at least we had a great view and good roads on the way home. And we made it home with lots of meat and applesauce, thanks to my Mom and Dad. 

Hawks and Bears

For Kevin's birthday I bought him tickets to the Portland Winterhawks. They are a professional junior ice hockey team based here in Portland.  As we were walking into the game we started noticed everyone was caring teddy bears and other stuffed animals. We joked about how we didn't fit in, since we didn't have a bag of stuffed animals. It wasn't until the Hawks scored their first goal that we finally came to understand what all the bears were about. They were collecting them for a Christmas charity. And when they scored there first goal, everyone began throwing the stuffed animals onto the ice. It was really fun to watch. And in the end they collected over 10,000 stuffed animals.

But don't worry, this hockey game wasn't all soft and cuddly, there was plenty of fights and some really good knock outs and ejections to keep us entertained. In the end Winterhawks won and we were really impressed with the fun atmosphere of the game. 

I am Thankful

This year for Thanksgiving we made our way south to Grants Pass to celebrate Thanksgiving with the  Bergs. It was a short trip because Kevin only had Thursday and Friday off, so we headed down wednesday after Kevin got out of school. Thursday we started the day off with a hike and then all the cooking and football watching began. A yummy dinner was served and a great nap was taken.

Friday the boys headed up to Autzen for the Civil war game. The girls did a little shopping and frosted some cookies. We also watched a little bit of the football game, and all had a little heart attack at the end. Thank goodness the Ducks pulled that one off, we all wanted happy men upon returning from the game.

Saturday was a day of relaxation before we headed back to Portland on Sunday. Like I said it was a short but sweet trip (literally I ate a lot of pie and cookies). 

Time out round 2

After enjoying Time out for Women so much last year Terri and Pat put together another crew to head up to Portland to go again. And lucky for me I was invited :) This time they all stayed at our house so we had a little party there.

Time out for women was very good and inspirational. Always a good refresher.

Thanks Terri and Pat for a great time! 

The Birthday Boy

Well it is official... I am married to a very handsome young 27 year-old man. Lucky me :) Kevin was not so lucky though because his birthday happened to fall during mid-terms and he had three tests that day. After a bad night the night before and a bad day of testing Kevin came home from school and just wanted to relax... However there was a vendor fair up at the school that he felt like he should go too. It was free food so I didn't complain. The vendor fair was fun and we got lots of free stuff, and Kevin won a pair of Oakley sunglasses (I like to claim I bought them for him haha-- even though he is just going to sell them). After the fair we decided to go check out Salt & Straw an ice-cream place that sells weird flavors of ice cream. I got Strawberry balsamic vinegar with black pepper, and Kevin went with the thanksgiving theme and got Turkey butter brittle & snicker doodle (and lots of sprinkles because it was his birthday).We enjoyed the ice-cream in the car since there was no room to sit in the shop, and then headed home to bed (I know we are old and exciting). Saturday we headed over to the Pearsons to watch some football and decided to do the cake in face over there (It is just not as fun just the 2 of us). And of course it is more fun when you have a little kid to cry after it happens (What is it about someone with cake all over their face that makes kids think they are monsters?). Anyways enjoy the singing (we did a really great job if you ask me ha ha).

So in honor of Kevin's birthday I thought about what I could write about him in the one post all year thats dedicated all to him. So i decided to write my 10 favorite things about him, that most people don't know about (He is going to hate this ha ha Happy Birthday hun).

1.  He never loses anything. And If I ever lose anything he knows where it is  (probably because he put it there).

2. He makes very good mental notes (and often tells me to) which is probably the reason he never loses anything.

3. He is talented at everything unless it has little wheels and you have to keep your balance on it (this includes ice skating).

4. As a child he used to do calf raises all the time, and would often walk on his toes to work on his calves. This proved to work well, because he has amazing calves. Check em out some day and you will see what i'm talking about.

5. He absolutely hates being video taped so when there is a rare chance that he will let me record him I always take the short opportunity (Like above).

6. He can never remember song lyrics so when he belts out the songs in the car he tends to just make up his own lyrics. He has come up with some very creative lyrics, that have stuck with me. Everytime the songs come on his lyrics are all that come to mind.

7. He can make the creepiest rattle snake sound and loves to freak me out with it.

8. He was known (within the relief society) at our singles ward as the boy with the Smile... and boy does he have a good one (probably helps that he flosses every night without fail).

9. He is a dough boy... anything bread he loves.

10. He will eat whatever is put in front of him. I have yet to cook a meal that he has complained about. Even meals (thanks pinterest for being so deceiving) that I cannot even gag down he happily eats them and offers to take them for lunch. And on top of that he typically does all the dishes after meals as well. Like I said I am one lucky lady. 

October...

It is crazy to me that it is already November. I wasn't sure if I was going to survive the month of September therefore it dragged on forever, nonetheless we finally hit October and it decided to fly by. October was a lot more relaxed (for me) and a lot busier for Kevin (I am sure he is beyond excited October is finally over).

October started out with a bang when Kevin went back to school after his month off. It was a little shock to the system for both of us. I was used to having a husband that was home cooking and cleaning for me, and he was getting used to relaxing. This semester has been the worst thus far at dental school. Kevin has been crazy busy and spends most of his free time studying or trying to catch up on sleep. It is midterms next week though so we are half way through! YAY! My school work eased up a bit (or maybe I just got lazy) and I finally feel somewhat above water when it comes to lesson planning and grading.

We did get out a little bit and enjoy the beautiful fall 70 degree weather that Oregon offered us. The first weekend in October we went on a hike to Pittock Mansion. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful hike.

Toward the end of the month we headed to a pumpkin patch with some friends and picked out a pumpkin to carve for Halloween. 

Which we carved for Family Home Evening with Jared and Nicole- Ours is the medium sized one with One eye :) I like to think of him as Mike Wazowski. 

Kevin also decided to work on his photography skills and took these beautiful pictures of the sunrise at OHSU (it's sad that he is up there at sunrise everyday). 

I can't say that October was all good though because there was a few incidents at school. My pump had a little accident one day, and then I had to kick my first student out of class. After telling him to get out of my classroom, he asked me where I wanted him to go. I might have said something like "Anywhere I don't have to look at you". This was the first time my students had ever seen me mad, and there was a few jaws that dropped. Luckily for me (and him) he just stood outside the classroom door for 20 minutes until I felt like letting him back in. I sent this picture to Kevin after that lovely day was over. 

School did have some good moments though- like this one... I might have laughed way too much at my students creation of Reverend Hale (we are reading the Crucible). Yes that is Mark Helfrich. 

Well that was how our month was... How was yours?